Back in the Saddle

It's been months since my last post. The main reason I started this blog was to start writing regularly again; hence the fact that the number one item on my imaginary Manifesto is that I was going to write at least one post every week. That was before two months ago. Before my Mac battery finally decided to go belly-up. Before I bought a new battery and took my laptop apart to replace the old one. Before I realized that it wasn't that the battery had given up on itself, but that my charger was no longer willing to live. Before I realized that a replacement cable would cost at least $70. Which all occurred before I remembered-- I'm poor. I'm determined to resurrect the thing at some point because the first few chapters of my unfinished novel are still on the hard-drive, along with some patterns for my old lady pastimes. 

Meanwhile, as Lazarus keeps, it is nigh impossible to get the use of a laptop around here. Though, now that my brother is home from his mission, my mother doesn't need to monopolize the Dell writing him an e-mail every Sunday night so he'll have something to read on his P-day.

During the past couple of months, I have continued to jot down my thoughts as I always do; thoughts that I might be able to turn into entire blog posts. These are the rejects-- not because of their not being compelling, thought-provoking ideas; but because they are perfectly pithy and I would be hard-pressed to milk an entire post out of them singly. So here they are compiled into a delightful list, for your perusing pleasure.


1. Everything that has ever purported to be red velvet has invariably ended up being a farce. You know what I'm talkin' about: doughnuts, pancakes, milkshakes, Rice Krispies™ treats, soap--it all ends in heartbreak. Why do I keep getting reeled in?!

2. I have a hard time laughing out loud at something when I'm alone. In my mind, you laugh to let other people know you're amused.



3. I've heard Style at least three times today. Also, there's all this buzz about Taylor Swift's newest album and how it's such a departure from her flavor heretofore. I just want to state, for the record, that Taylor Swift was never country. Ever. When she first started out, the music she sang to was slightly more country-esque in that it had twangy guitars; now her music is more pop-y, dancing-at-the-club sounding. The music in her songs is really just a background to a narrative of her latest failed relationship anyways. But you know I crank that biz up when it comes on the radio, just like any normal person.



4. I like Peggy Carter; she's smart, capable, strong, and she doesn't need to burn her bra to be good at her job. But the harsh reality of the matter is that Steve Rogers would've been friend-zoned forever if he hadn't gotten hot as a result of the super soldier serum. A kind, decent 5'1" man is still a 5'1" man. Call me shallow if you like, but physical appearance does play a fairly prominent role in attractiveness.

5. I love the smell of new leather and how it spreads itself ubiquitously throughout whatever space it finds itself in.


6.Those friends you follow on Facebook and Instagram who instantaneously have a bazillion likes right after they post ANYTHING-- my like is insignificant. I refuse. Would you even notice? This is obviously at least somewhat rooted in my latent inferiority complex.


7. Baths make me feel dirty. Like, grimy, disgusting, hanging-out-in-my-own-filth-liquified.



8. I thought Sam Smith was black for the longest time. 

      

   He's just so soulful. Then again, so is Michael Bolton...

9. As a frequent (read "compulsive") online shopper, this scenario plays out dozens of times a month for me: UPS tracking says my package has been in Orlando since 6:30 AM; but won't be delivered to me until tomorrow. Is there any legal  issue preventing me from driving to the company's distribution center, a mere hour away, to get my package? I mean, technically, it is my property. I feel that the law would be on my side in this instance. You know, if I decided to do it.



10. I am a lover of orange Tic Tacs. They do absolutely nothing to freshen your breath, but are quite tasty.



11. To wear a bow tie without looking like Peewee Herman presents a high degree of difficulty.

Can you imagine being a hipster and getting that chestnut in your fortune cookie? Debilitating.

12. When I eat waffles, each square must be filled with syrup, especially if they are Belgian.


13. Mounted weapons are never loaded, and very hard to remove from their mountings. Murders/defenses with mounted swords or guns are just a whimsical farce promulgated and perpetuated by movies and television at least as far back as the 1930's.

14. Bangers and mash sounds like the names of a couple of Bond girl villains (in the tradition of Bambi and Thumper); but could also, possibly, be the names of  a tag-team wrestling duo.

15. Unnecessary things: Ovaltine hot instructions; complicated e-mail addresses (I'm lookin' at you, ckriystallelipz4871@sky.net (she says her name is pronounced "Crystal")); Obama in the public sphere. Or making decisions that affect anybody at all. If, in the name of protecting children, CPA can take someone's kids just because they let them play outside, they should've already confiscated that man's kids. Just sayin'.

16. I forget that New Hampshire is a state. Until a SNHU commercial comes on t.v.