Cinderella: The Underlying Cause of All Our Society's Woes

I've had plans to write this for almost two weeks but haven't set pen to paper, so to speak. Not because it's so hard-hitting or because it's a difficult topic, but because this is the first chance I've really had. But it's been good, because I've also wanted to mull things over, too.

Ten days ago, as I signed out of my e-mail, a Yahoo! news story title caught my eye: "New 'Cinderella' Film Sparks Backlash". Having a desire to see the movie, I was curious, so I clicked on the link and began to read. Apparently, there is real danger in exposing your children, particularly your female children, to fairy tales. There's even a parody of the movie trailer online that's already had--roughly-- a billion views. 

From the trailer:  “Revisit the animated classic that will cancel out all of the empowering things your daughter learned from Frozen, where girls are taught to be pushovers, do all the housework and that their problems will disappear if they’re hot enough to land a rich husband.”

"Depicting a female who appears utterly helpless until a male swoops in and rescues her from all of her troubles sends a troubling message,” psychotherapist Amy Morin told Yahoo Parenting. “Girls may learn, ‘I can’t solve my problems, but a boy could.’ It’s much healthier for girls to recognize their own problem-solving skills, rather than look to boys as the solution."

Naturally, all of this new information quashed any and all desires I had to see this trash. 

Psych. 

I just saw it on Wednesday; it was pretty great. The writing was really good-- it drew from the source material faithfully with just the right amount of "new". I mean, you know that she's going to eventually try on the slipper, but there are enough twists that you're not quite sure how they're going to pull it out. Likewise where the performances were concerned. The costuming was incredible; I spent most of the movie ogling Kate Blanchet's gorgeous gowns.

This goes beyond a cinematic critique for me, though.

According to the aforementioned article, Cinderella depicts "sexism and abuse."

Okay, definitely abuse; but sexism? When is Cinderella treated differently because of her gender in this movie? Because she's forced to cook and clean for her step family? I bet that was because she was a girl and NOT because her step-mother and -sisters were a-holes. If she had been a boy, that never would've happened. 

Or maybe it's sexist because the heroine--gasp!-- gets married?! The Prince gets married, too, and nobody is raising a cry of alarm over that. Maybe because there's no Mr. Foundation for Men. Someone should really do something about that. (Side-note: Why is there no male equivalent to feminism? Shouldn't the human rights activists be all over this?)

My major beef --okay, honestly, I have multiple major beefs with this outcry; but the beefiest of all is this: the claim that Cinderella teaches little girls to "be pushovers, and do all the housework, and that all their problems will disappear if they're hot enough to land a rich husband."

First of all, Cinderella is not a pushover. Just because she didn't lash out at her step-family for making her their servant doesn't mean that she's weak. On the contrary. She has a strength and a level of self-control that is praiseworthy; that most of us will (given the recent backlash) clearly never attain. What would a suitable reaction to mistreatment look like? One the femi-Nazis would approve of? Anger? Unmitigated rage? Retaliation? Vindictiveness? Because, to me, those are all really horrible attributes that I never want to be perpetuated. Those are also all easy responses. 

But we, as human beings, don't need the easy reactions; we need the right ones. And oftentimes those are the hardest. They're hardest because, as a human being, your knee-jerk reaction when someone is mean to you is to be mean right back.

 Anybody can be kind when they're being treated well. The real test of how kind you are comes when you meet someone who isn't kind back. If you're not nice to people who aren't nice to you, you're not very kind, are you? If your being your best possible self is predicated entirely upon it being a reciprocal set-up, you will never reach your full potential because, guess what? A lot of the people you run across are not so great. There are a lot of selfish, vindictive, hateful people out there. Does that mean that I should spend the majority of my time being selfish, cruel, and vindictive? I hope not. That sounds like a miserable way to live. 

Our ability to choose who we will be is what separates us from dumb beasts. With patience and self-control, we can overcome our knee-jerk reactions--all of them-- and become (naturally and without even having to think about it) kind, compassionate, loving beings rather than allowing ourselves to be ruled by base instinct.

Maybe that's not what the haters had in mind. Maybe they think Cinderella should have run away. I submit that that would have been the easy way out. Let me be clear: I am not advocating staying in abusive relationships. But I think the detractors are being allegorical in their interpretation of the story, and so am I. If the offending interpretation of the story is that Cinderella solved all her problems by marrying the prince, would leaving her family's home be any less of an evasive maneuver?

The harsh reality is that you can't run away from your problems. I'm no statistician, but I would say that in my experience, 99% of the time, your problems in life are such that you can't just pick up and leave them behind. They come at you full force and, most times, there's nothing you can do but face them head-on. Are you going to let your struggles crush you to a fine powder or are you going to let them smooth out the rough spots of your character? 

I submit again that Cinderella is strong and admirable when she chooses to be kind in the face of abuse and discouragement at the hands of her family members, those who should have treated her with love and respect.

If the problem with Cinderella is that she ends up married to the prince at the end... I really don't know why that would be a problem. She happened to fall in love with someone who turned out to be a prince. If you're objecting to him on the grounds of his wealth, I feel inclined to tell you that he is only the prince of a very small kingdom and so cannot possibly be too terribly rich. Kate Middleton married a prince and no one accuses her of being a victim. So the girl in our story falls in love quickly; some people do. Others don't. Some people fall in love when they're young, others when they're a bit older. Some never do in this life. Such is the nature of human relations. Maybe it's just marriage in general that everybody is not so keen on. Why? Criticism of marriage always smacks heavily of bitterness to me. I don't think we need to make a whole big talking point out of it like we do in our society.

None of the points from this article resonate with me.

What was so great and empowering about Frozen? I mean, don't get me wrong; it was a good movie and I enjoy watching it. The music is fantastic. But it's no Tangled (in case you're interested, the writing and characterization were so much better).

It must be that whole "Let it Go" part that everyone has reference to. The part where Elsa decides that what she does doesn't need to have an impact on anyone but her; except that that's completely ridiculous because everything that any of us do has an effect on someone in some way; none of us has any control over that.  In essence the song tells our little girls, in desperate need of role models, "Screw y'all; Imma do whatever I want." Empowering. 

When it comes on the radio, I crank that biz like anybody; but if you're going to over-analyze a children's movie to oust any troubling messages it might send to the little pitchers, you should at least be thorough in your disapproval. I happen to be an equal-opportunity critic.

I also happen to be a fairly intelligent, strong, capable, independent woman. Who happened to love watching and reading fairy tales as a child. You know why I never internalized all the "harmful","degrading" messages in any of them? Because my parents didn't rely on childrens movies and stories to teach me what was important. They were responsible for that. 

From the time that I was a small girl, I knew what my values were; I knew what my parents expected of me, I knew what I expected of me; and everything that I came into contact with was sifted through those all-important internal sieves that I believe are starting to sorely lack in our culture-- and interpreted and applied according to those standards. 

I'm not saying that you should let children watch or read or listen to everything; some things are not age appropriate and others are completely inappropriate. What I am saying is that, coupled with the active supervision of adult guardians, we should rely on our childrens' internal filters to make sure they aren't getting any hurtful messages from the things that they encounter. And their internal filters should rely on our teaching and examples for their substance, not what they see in movies or on television. Because, despite our best efforts, they will come into contact with hurtful things in their lives. Our job, as adults, is to make sure that the children in our spheres of influence are equipped to deal with those things on their own, because we can't protect them from everything and we can't always be there to mitigate damage. We have to feed them a steady diet of truth, moral values, and encouragement. 

Of course, what do I know? I unabashedly listen to Frozen songs and watch G-rated retools of popular fairy tales. By choice.

Of Yoga Pants and Kardashians

I don't spend that much time on social media, but lately I've been feeling absolutely inundated with things about this story.* Sometimes I have a hard time condensing my feelings into a single word, but that is definitely the word for my mental state as of late: inundated. And I'll give you a few more: flooded, overwhelmed, engulfed, overrun, bombarded, DROWNED.

 

But I know that my current state of mind is not all about that specific blog post (and all of the response posts, and talk show appearances, and parody posts...). I suppose this feeling has been building gradually over time. 

 

Let me set you up for what I'm about to write by saying this:

 

In the course of a typical day, there are just so many things to do and so many things left undone that I lay awake some nights, waiting to black out, and find myself wondering who will squeegee up the brain matter when I'm finally discovered in the morning. And I'm not even the busiest person I know. 

 

Not by a long shot.
 

And yet, somehow, we still find the time to allow ourselves to be whipped up into a frenzy about the virtues or vices of yoga pants (depending on which side of the argument you fall-- really, there's an argument? About athletic wear?!) or a Kardashian's naked butt (and EVERYTHING else) splashed all over the internet. Or some very intelligent and educated celebrity's political stance (did we really need to give ANY of these people a mega-phone, Twitter?). Or a million other things that don't impact our lives at all, whatsoever, either directly or indirectly.

 

WHY?

 

Why are we giving these things air-time? We are so evolved that, not only can we not see past the ends of our own noses, but we can't see past the ends of anyone else's either.
 

WAKE UP. There is an entire world out there beyond Miley Cyrus's latest nude, tongue-wagging escapades, and you're not participating in it at all. How can any of us expect to affect positive change if we're so completely bogged down in things that don't matter now and which will only depreciate in value at a staggering rate over time?
 

Look around you--right now, in person; I know it's scary to divert your gaze from any given device for any amount of time, as you are liable to miss some earth-shattering tweet from Ashton Kutcher, but you can do it. I believe in you.
 

Really look. What's happening? Is there an actual person there in the same space with you? Are you among strangers or friends? Family members? Is there someone you can help? Smile at? Be kind to?
 

Do something about it.

 

In this world of instant connection to almost everyone on the face of the planet Earth, where we should be-- if anything-- connected, we have never been more disconnected; from reality, from other people. Today, so much of the human experience is dominated by the transient, the insignificant, the artificial. 

 

NONE of these words are adjectives that I would want applied to a description of me. And yet, as a member of the human race--of the Millennial generation-- I feel they are connected to me by association, however inaccurate they may be on a personal level. This is not okay.

 

I'm not suggesting that we all go off the grid or burn the technology, because that's not what needs to happen here. What needs to happen is that we need to be mindful of what takes up the majority of our time. 

 

Is it cultivating meaningful relationships with all of the people around us? Is it updating our profile picture so all of our friends don't have time to get sick of the old one? Is it looking for the needs that might exist for those we come into contact with, no matter our level of acquaintance or familiarity with them? Or is it live-tweeting a play-by-play of some disgruntled restaurant patron's "hilarious" feud with their waitress?

What are we doing with our lives? Are we leaving people better than we find them? Are we easing burdens? Are we working diligently and consistently to become the best possible version of ourselves that we can be? Or are we wasting oxygen and data?

 

Make the conscious decision to make the most of your time and efforts every single day that you're breathing. You don't have to go out and join the Peace Corps. None of these efforts have to be elephantine. Give a compliment. Hold a door. Make eye-contact when you speak to someone; or even just when you're walking past them and happen to lock eyes for an instant. 

 

Have a real-life, honest-to-goodness, human experience.

 

Let's stop deferring to A-listers to inanely tell us what our opinions should be on political and social issues. Let's stop trying to keep up with people (not to mention keeping them afloat financially with our constant gawking) who are only famous because they've been in sex tapes. Let's stop measuring our worth and the worth of others based on how many followers or likes appear on our newsfeeds. Let's stop volleying passionate, yet completely subjective, writings back and forth over the morality of wearing exercise clothing when you're not exercising.

Bottom line: Stop letting the trivial and ridiculous monopolize your time. It could definitely be more well-spent.

 

*Let me be clear by saying that this post is not about whether I agree or disagree with this girl's premise (but I believe you're familiar with this post).

Memoirs of a Sunday

Because the entire police force of my small town has nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon than set up a speed trap on a back road that has a ridiculous speed limit, I got a ticket today. Also because I was going 37 in a 25 zone. What can I say? I have a lead foot; I had been out late last night; I had to get up early this morning for church, where I spent two hours making sure that 15 children between the ages of 18 months and 3 years old didn't kill each other before their parents came to pick them up; I also needed to make an apple pie for dessert.

But I also needed a nap. I figured that I could make the pie fairly quickly and still have a little time left before my brother and his family came. So, after church, I took the back way home-- a route that usually takes about 2 minutes less than the conventional way. Unless every police officer in town decides to set up a sting operation; then it takes 20 minutes more than the conventional way.

About a block away from the turn-off to the turn-off to my street, I was directed to a side road, through the parking lot of the high school and right back up the side road in the opposite direction.

I was fourth or fifth in line for my accounting. By the time they got to me [for having every cop in the city there, you would think they would be more efficient with their process], I was almost nodding off at the wheel.

"Did you know it's 25 along this road?" the officer asked me when I had finally cranked the driver's side window down.

"I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that it was a lower speed along here," I answered, using my arm to prop up my head and looking at the tiny me reflected in his sunglasses. "But I honestly wasn't paying attention to how fast I was going." Also, that's a stupid speed for a back road on a Sunday, I added mentally.

It was true-- I hadn't even glanced at my speedometer since pulling out of the church parking lot.

After approximately 10 minutes of looking through the tiny glove box to find the truck's registration (I finally just gave the dude one of the insurance cards, of which there were copious amounts), and another fifteen minutes of processing (how hard is it to write all that biz down? It was long enough that I finally found the registration), and a five minute lecture on the anatomy of a ticket (not my first time, pal) and on how I would have gotten a non-moving violation for not having my registration handy* (it's not my truck, guy; who knows where my Dad put that thing?) I was free to go.

[*Side-bar: This is a ridiculous rule. A ticket for not being able to produce a vehicle's registration in a timely manner? I can see you're really pressed for time. All thirty of you! And obviously you don't want to be here-- you just set up a speed trap as a public service, not because you have some sort of quota to fill. And this official documentation that you want me to produce (in a timely manner) doesn't even have to say that the vehicle belongs to me-- just that it belongs to someone. The whole thing is outrageous, really.]

I've been stewing about this for hours now. I can take my medicine-- I broke the rule; I'll take my punishment now--but speed traps annoy the crap out of me. You have nothing better to do with your time and resources than pull people over for speeding on a road with no one on it. I'm not being a danger to anyone; I'm not being a danger to myself. I'm not infringing upon anyone else's rights, which is-- honestly and truly-- the reason we have and enforce laws in the first place: to protect the rights of the people.

As I pulled away from the encounter, at a reasonable 40 miles per hour,

"But didn't you learn your lesson?"
"NOPE! HAHAHA!"

the thought crossed my mind that I wasn't sorry I had broken the law; I was sorry I had gotten caught.

Which isn't godly sorrow.

I didn't want to change; I wanted the rules to change. It's a curious and universal truth: when we've been wronged, we want justice; when we're in the wrong, we want mercy.

Specific Ridiculousness

Perhaps if I write this down I'll remember it more readily.

Something I've realized about myself (and re-realized--over and over again) is that I'm ridiculous. In more ways than one-- but this specific rant is about this specific ridiculousness that I suffer from, which is: I am constantly and consistently whining about wanting to be treated as an individual. That is, until something I don't like happens to me-- and then I instantly think of someone else who's circumstances I would rather have.

Why? I'm not someone else; I'm me. My circumstances and experiences and everything else about my life are custom-made for my growth; my development; my progression towards becoming the person I was created to become. Why on earth would I trade any of those perfectly tailored experiences for an ill-fitting one that was meant to help someone else on their way? Why would I want what was meant to form someone else's character perfectly? If it did anything for me, it wouldn't do half as much for me as it would for the person it was meant for; nor would a hundred similar experiences straight from someone else's refiner's fire shape and effect me in the way that one of my perfectly fitting experiences does--if I allow it to.

And I guess that's the trick. All things work together for our good if we allow them to. Our own willingness to submit to God's will, to learn what He would have us to learn, to change, drastically effects our ability to do so. Which is why the scriptures are replete with exhortations to be humble; be teachable; why we're almost constantly being counseled to be obedient by choice. It is infinitely easier to accomplish something if we enter into the work portion of the accomplishing of our own free will and volition. Anyone who has ever tried to get a toddler to do something knows this: if you can get the kid to want to do it-- whatever it is-- it's a snap. Otherwise you end up wanting to claw out your own eyes.

So, as unpleasant as some circumstances and experiences are to have, they are perfectly framed by an omniscient and loving Father who only wants for us to become as He is. And that can only happen if we grow and develop in the ways that we need to. Thankfully, He knows us well enough to know exactly what circumstances we need to experience in order to make that happen. And this whole process only works if we actively decide to let it.

The Atonement works in our lives as fully and as quickly as we want it to.